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[witchplz]

"You've hit up Rahzel! Too bad you can't bask in my glorious presence right now. I mean- sorry I can't come to the phone right now, I'm probably off saving the world from giant naked cannibals or shopping till I drop. Leave me a message and I'll get right back to you! Have a good day~!"
BEEEeeeep!


Rahzel Anadis
#1446 Holly Heights
Bro
brooooo


[text] [calls] [physical mail (presents~] [action] [web stuff]

Comments

[witchplz]

[The mention of food has her stomach, long forgotten in the stead of her heart, rumbling to attention. Her cheeks grow warm.]

My stomach did miss your wallet, I suppose. Alright, time to break out your new funds~

[But thoughts of food and fun and the ol' routine come to a screeching halt. Guilt flushes from her stomach to damn near her collar bones. This whole gig had a family included, right? That means Baroqueheat is now responsible for a wife and kids and maybe a dog....Oh god save us. He should be using those funds on them, not her. Something Distinctly Unhappy flipflops from her stomach.

And of course the ever present thought screaming at the back of her mind like a nerve that's been stretched too far, the worst charlie horse of all: Where the hell is Alzeid?! Instead she places her hand over his]

Since you're fresh meat here, let me get it. Next time though your wallet is at my mercy~

MY GROSS TEXTWALLS SHOVING INTO YOUR FACE

[dickering]

[ the husband gig is something that hi-tan is going to have to play with, and he still thinks it's hilarious that this is how his life managed to churn up yet another ragtag bunch of 'family' memebers at him-- but, ah, he can't complain. how he misses branowen and her ability to give him space and council at the same time.

he's used to family members being all over the place, but he's gotten so comfortable with working in threes (even with his...weird...issues with alzeid) that it's strange, that he can't turn around and find another grumpy face to accompany his little princess. it's not the same: he knows he's the middleman (not that it bothers him), he knows rahzel misses that stupid sullen face and that stupid brooding. it's something he can't give her, though, which is annoying and bothersome (because he likes seeing rahzel in two forms: happy and angry).

he's not gonna sell himself short, though. he knows he can, to some degree, make her happy-- that's what matters.

so!! he gets up, hoisting rahzel up along with him and sweeping her off her feet (ooh baroqueheat ooh). don't get cocky, hi-tan. ]

Ooh, you're being generous?! I have to savor this moment.

[ he's gonna pay anyway, watch him be a jackass about this ]

What's good, here?

I LOVE THEM IN MY FACE! GIVE IT TO ME~ (are you the one with the icon-slot-givage) (am i a dumb?)

[witchplz]

And here I'd almost gotten used to the silence of minions that don't give me lip.

[She harrumphs, though she can't fight back the smile taking up most of her face, automatically winding her arms around his shoulders. Bossing him around again felt good, like coming home, like finding an old stuffed toy under your bed-- except this toy touches you at night but y'know. She's boundlessly, giddily, incredibly happy. She doesn't want it to be diminished by what's still missing but she's definitely happier than she has been....for the next five minutes before wandering hands get in the way, at least. Maybe she's a little- okay a lot grateful.]

Better not get used to it because this is a one time only offer! I have to make sure your gentlemanly skills don't get rusty. I won't spoil you too much, that's your job.

[She's almost expecting that so it'll be a hearty and passionate battle, at least! Good, food, yes, something to focus on that won't throw a wrench in anyone's mood]

Hmmm...myriads of things are good here, this is the one time I'll encourage you being picky. There's a whole section of the city with restaurants and entertainment. What do you feel like stuffing your face with?

shhhh i know nothing....shh....

[dickering]

[ and if he should care about saying hi to his housemates, or checking out his new car, he doesn't: he'll announce himself to the network if he feels like it, but he doesn't really see a need to, not really, when he's got pretty much all he needs hanging from his neck like a koala.

he hums something tuneless, starts moving towards...somewhere, let's be real, he has no idea where the fuck he's going. ]

Huh, maybe burgers and cheap booze? I don't think they'd let you in where people take their clothes off, would they? Do they ID here?

[ and, as if he's remembering: ]

Maybe I'll need to start stripping to make money again, what do you think?

IT IS YOU, ISN'T IT?!?!?! OH MY FUCKING GOD I will thank u by giving u my hot body

[witchplz]

[Ahhh yes, Baron Obscene, this scene has been an arms/dicks race missed. Not! Pinching him lightly on the ear, she hums, considering his question. The Royal Treatment (with cheese) is always nice after a long day's work.]

Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to a place with cheap fingerfoods, cheap booze and even cheaper karaoke to embarrass yourself with? Pictures up on the internet in fifteen minutes or less! [Insta-scowl on high alert! As if she's remembering:]

Grody! I don't think the innocent people of this establishment need any more middle aged men showing off their banana hammocks over the network. The cake population certainly doesn't. [She actually shudders in his arms, and, okay, her cheeks are definitely pink, but that isn't from the flashback! She's...ha-having a hot flash, that's all.]

Baroqueheat-sama, where were you when the innocence of maidens everywhere was threatened? I saw muscles I never knew existed on a butt. [Well, that was actually kind of inspiring, tbh. If he really wanted to strip for money, well...] Nope, they can't have you.

SHHHHH i'll take your hot bod though

[dickering]

What do you mean, middle-aged?! That's going too far, even for you... you're gonna hurt my feelings, at this rate.

[ he bops her gently on the nose, even if he knows he's well-past middle age into fucking ancient, 28 going on 208, but who the fuck cares. look at him in this gross silk wifebeater-collar-skinnypants ensemble, he's an embarrassment to all wannabe visual-kei artists everywhere.

but whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa back up, who's showing banana hammocks where and why and why wasn't he there to compete for his fair maiden's hand. who the fuck is trying to out-gross him??? there can only be one. ]

Raaaaaaahzel?

[ WHO IS THIS SHITLORD is between the margins of his singsong voice. ]

Whose ass have you been ogling, instead of mine? That's a low blow.

presents body 2 u (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BOTTOM!!!!)

[witchplz]

[She stiffens in his arms, pure ice seizing her voice as her expression darkens. Let's clear this up~]

I'd rather dip cotton balls in acid and put them in my mouth at the dentist than ogle your scrawny ass. I'm only calling it like I see it mister old fart! Once you're over twenty it's only a twenty degree angle before falling off the hill and rolling into oncoming traffic.

[She is decidedly pleading the fifth on that one. She can't have Baroqueheat finding out more and then spending money for his family on banana hammocks in a stupid contest. Grown men, tch. Someone has to save the day and apparently it's her turn. Again.]

Hmmmm? Ass? Ogle? I can't seem to remember...It's so hard to concentrate when I'm so hungry...[She flutters her eyelashes at him, the back of her hand to her forehead, a true swoon well practiced]

IT'S OK YOU ARE FABULOUS IT'S ALL YOU DESERVE

[dickering]

[ the swoon has him hoisting her up a little, bouncing her once, twice in mock wake up!! fashion before he starts trotting again, past rows of same-y houses, same-y cars. ]

I'll have you know that my ass is very popular in most circles of polite society. You wanna take a good look and reconsider?

[ a smarmy grin. there's no way he can actually show her his ass in this position, but damn if hi-tan's not gonna waste an opportunity to talk about his fucking ancient buns. let it go, baroqueheat, let it go. ]

Maybe you can savor my buns instead of going out to dinner...

[ FOR FUCKS SAKE ]

I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN!!! I'LL NEVER HAVE WORDS TO EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE, NOT EVEN IN KLINGON!

[witchplz]

Polite society? You mean little old ladies with fake eyeballs who have to squint and think your butt is their grandchild finally coming to visit? Sounds about right!

[She definitely adds a giddyup horse seed at the bounces and pats his shoulder encouragingly...until the encouragement does a full magical girl transformation into punching him in the head territory!]

Certainly! Why don't I start cutting those buns with a rusty butter knife and see how the rest of the main course goes~?

[Jesus Fucking Christ, someone's going to need a crash course in puppy obedience school....again]

IF YOU CRY I'LL CRY

[dickering]

Just kidding, just kidding!! Hi-tan is a lover, not a fighter!

[ he'd pull his hands up in that characteristic "please don't kill me i'm too pretty to die" pose, but they're occupied, so. the punch has him reeling in a good way, familiar amongst the backdrop of unfamiliar, which actually reminds him: ]

--Where do you live, by the way?

[ things he should have asked a while ago: this. ]

B-BAAAAW....

[witchplz]

Hi-tan is a dork. [Hairflip! Then she wraps her arms around his neck again; it's not an apology because he goddamn deserved that, but Hakuna Matatas. She pulls a face, mock suspicious (she already knows the answer to this question)]

Why? There isn't a tree with a perfect view of my bedroom as a peeping spot, you know. I live at 1446. [A lot further than she'd like to live from him...oh well, it's just a brisk walk, great exercise, hopefully not potential for Side Trips!]

SO DON'T CRY!!!

[dickering]

Married? Husband and kids?

[ half-teasing, half an actual question: hey, he doesn't know what the landlord's like. as far as he knows, this mysterious guy has a shit sense of humor. ]

Is ours going to be an illicit love affair?

you're the greatest....

[witchplz]

No way! I'm got enough trouble on my hands figuring out a place to bury your body, I don't need that drama. [Concerns met loud and clear, Eagle 1! The corners of her mouth lift into a fond grin]

I've got two dads and a brother. One of the dads [not hers, never hers, that spot was reserved thankyouverymuch!] is pretty sassy and the other one is kinda mousey. I don't know much about the brother, haven't seen him a lot. It's...nice. Really different.

[Rahzel accepts them as her assigned family, accepts them as pleasant people she lives with and will interact pleasantly with, but she already has a family. She didn't ask for this.]

no you are talking about yourself!!

[dickering]

As long as there's been no foul play! You know I'd hate that.

[ surprisingly, he doesn't contest it too much-- he'd ask if he can couchsurf sometimes, but he's not gonna bother because he's going to do it anyway. he's pretty sure that she won't mind, and the others can pretty much fuck off, for all he cares. for now. ]

I'm thinking of wandering around a bit before settling in. I'm allergic to marital commitments! ♥

UHM NO I MOST DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY MEAN YOU I will fight you dammit

[witchplz]

I know. That's the cut of your jib, afterall. We can't have people taking your hard earned position!

[Rahzel is on insta-alert-suspicion when he doesn't wheedle and whine and march over to the house to make ridiculous and embarrassing demands that sign his death warrant. Note to self, go home and get a chainsaw just in case there is a tree by her bedroom window for proper peep-age use.

Her mouth thins into a little line, though whether it's apprehension or worry or- well, alright, it's a bit of both, add a dash of disappointment at the reminder and you have Rahzel a la cart! a la Hi-tan, anyway. She knows him, she knows he's not just going to accept all this when the time comes]

You're gonna be allergic to my....foot...in a minute. That was a bad one, pretend I didn't say that. We can hang around for however long you want~ You don't have to like these people. You don't even have to seek them out. But it'll be much easier if you don't take this out on them. Or yourself. They're just as much the victim as we are.

[She tugs at his earlobe gently and smiles a smile she hopes is reassuring.] And I'll be right there with you, okay?

A FIGHT TO THE DEATH IT SHALL BE

[dickering]

[ he watches as she talks, with that mild fascination he always has when she says anything. he doesn't think rahzel could ever have the capability not to surprise him, really, not that she's trying or anything: that's what fascinates him the most about her, let's be real, and he's not averse to letting her see it. for a guy that likes to play other people's hands before his own, always, he's weirdly sincere in front of this girl on occasion.

there's a beat, languid fascination making way for one of those slightly-exasperated smiles, a tilt of the head and a faint shrug of the shoulders. ]

They're women, so I'll be nice.

[ what a completely misogynistic and piglike thing to say, hi-tan... but it's mostly a concession (not that he was gonna barge in and terrorize these poor p-- ok, that's entirely likely), and he shifts rahzel in his arms, holding her up with one so he can wave the other, carelessly. ]

Unlike some people, I can make friends. Don't be too surprised when you hear this, but I'm a likeable guy when I want to be.

[ bullshit levels: rising ]

I just need to be terrorized into it by a pretty princess.

EN GARDE! but i'll shut up about it now (gomen)...just know my...feels

[witchplz]

[She lets out a very ladylike snort at that and slaps him on the shoulder, though no amount of exasperation can mask how pleased she is. He's at least taken some of her words to heart. He's a grown ass man and he doesn't have to listen to her by any means, but he does, and even if he doesn't always agree, he respects her opinion. That earns him some brownie points, uwaaah! There's a pause, like she's relieved, was bracing for more bad news, like all the Different Things would infect Hi-tan the instant he got out of his space suit and breathed in the atmosphere. But no, some things never change, and she's infinitely grateful.]

That's a good boy. Practice saying woof woof mistress! and I'm sure they'll love you. Enough to make you crawl around on your knees and do their bidding at least.

[Raise your bullshit some factual evidence] You have two friends. You're terrible at making friends. You're about as bad as Alzeid, and he usually points the bang-y end of the gun at new friends first. [Grin] I've made a couple of buddies here, though. Princess Rahzel will teach you the ropes, young padawan~! That'll be your soul as payment, please.

so kawaii my heart can't take it...

[dickering]

[ someone who looks far too pleased about selling his soul to a 14-year-old girl: check. they're moving past the residential area into the entertainment district, and baroqueheat sets rahzel down onto the pavement, gently, rolling his shoulders and looking distinctly satisfied with where he is, despite everything else that's missing. ]

Don't lump me in with Prince Buzzkill, some of that hopeless virgin grumpiness might rub off on me.

[ and besides, he has...branowen...and her robot, kotetsu... that makes 4 friends. yes. ]

And, sure thing. You can teach me in bed, slowly and carefully, one step at a time. ♥ You've had my soul for a while already, so I've already made the down payment.

[ he pats her on the head, though, despite his ASSHOLE comments, and pops a cig into his mouth. ]

d-doki doki ps if theres anywhere specif u think they should go tell me, i was gonna pick agito idk?

[witchplz]

I think that rubbing off on you is the least of your worries given your friction clause.

[Didn't Kotetsu punch him through a door....is that what friendship is? ...actually that seems like that's his type; Eyeroll of the nth degree, she starts to aim a grin his way at that old familiar affection--

and ultimately slugs him in the gut at such innuendo towards someone so innocent!!]

I'm afraid I don't give lessons willy nilly to corpses~ I changed my mind, you can serve me by never opening your mouth ever again, not even to inhale.

[In lieu of this and the sour note to her mouth that's more bark than bite, she grabs his hand in hers and starts to lead him deeper, passing establishments and innocent bystanders witnessing such heartwarming friendship (only to stop and stare and wonder) alike]

I'M FINE WITH ANYTHING...! also if you don't want this all in your inbox, we could log... i'm gomen

[dickering]

[ a laugh, and he lets her lead him through the forest of npcs and people he doesn't recognize, but that's nothing new-- it's almost like any other day, except for alzeid not being there, and the fact that rahzel is voluntarily taking his hand, praise the lord. ]

Then I'm happy to listen!

[ this actually isn't a lie, and as he draws a long breath of smoke and exhales it upwards, he shares a private little smile ("watch and learn, al-bou") as he walks a little behind rahzel, boots clomping against the asphalt. ]

So tell me about what you've been doing. Anything and everything, fill me in-- how long have I been 'gone'?

agito it is tho idk much about it also no gomens needed, I'm cool with w/e's easier 4 u?

[witchplz]

We've been separated for about a month. Isn't that something?

[She refuses to look over her shoulder (tensely set) at him, hand tightening on his, as if making sure that isn't just air, her fingers aren't grasping at nothing. Everything would be more okay now that this stupid, grabby, warm hand is in hers. Finally, she does glance at him, grinning]

I've been meeting people and trying to figure out how to start a big enough smoke signal to alert the national guard! Without alerting the police here, too. I'm much too cute and civilized to go to jail. Again. I think I've got an accomplice, though.

[She looks so goddamn proud once the next statement pops out of her mouth]

My good idea nickname book has been smoking with new ones, too! It's a big hit, just like I knew it'd be.

i'm ok with whatever!! i just don't want to clutter your IC inbox...!

[dickering]

[ a month. he still can't really believe it, this weird discrepancy in time, but he figures that there are probably weirder things in this town-- the fact that they're here, for one. he digests it, notes it for consideration later, because right now rahzel is being endearing and he's going to savor it, savor her smile and his cig. it's the little things. ]

Do you ever not find accomplices? I'm afraid you're gonna start up a gang. Keep the right-hand man slot open, okay?

[ he laughs at the mention of nicknames, too, raising a brow and looking appropriately curious. ]

Alright, toss a few nicknames at me. I'll rate them.

ok here we go! setting le log up pronto

[witchplz]

[The sad part is she looks as if she's actually considering it, really ponders]

Do you think I'd still look cute, chic and intimidating with a do-rag? I don't fancy having gold fillings, though...what would we name ourselves? The Shizzle Princesses, perhaps. [Grin] Of course I'll leave a slot open for my footstool! Why, I'd be lost in my grill without you!

[That grin of hers turns cheekier and cheekier, what a great job well done expression she's showcasing] Right-o, number two critic! Anti-Pushups is one, C minus Rump, Hole-kun, Asshole Stunt Double...to name a few I'm really proud of. Amazing, right?