witchplz | You've got Mail!

[Rahzel is actually in the middle of one of those soap operas when her phone chimes so can hardly be accountable for not noticing the name of the sender when she replies:]

14/a piece of swiss cheese wrapped around a trolls toe/thanks for giving me and the police a crime scene to work with, jackass :D

Edited 2013-08-06 07:59 (UTC)

[God, this asshole just won't give up! She can't send nudes of her housemates rn, she has to see if Erica and Tom get back together, dammit]

happy bday, hi-tan!

[Waaait one fucking second]

.......hi-tan? do you happen to go by baron obscene, horse seed and cockroach???

[She's up from the couch faster than lighting and wrestling her shoes on, didn't even bother to tivo the show, hands shaking so hard she about dropped the phone twice, what if
what if]

BAROQUEHEAT???????

[ as always, he's selfishly happy about how surprised she seems to be-- did she miss him? there's satisfaction in thinking that, even if it's, yes, reprehensible. ]

the one and only !

unless someones pretending to be me

which is impossible

no one else is attractive enough

[Her heart's nearly fit to burst the second she sees the next text;
only he could express this much jackassism within a few texts, how silly of her
Her eyes sting, she throws open the door, barely remembers to grab her card key, and whips down the street in the direction her feet carry her. Which is left

Instead of replying to the text with trembling fingers, Rahzel flips her phone open, scrolls to his name, right there, right there to the sputter of her heart, and dials.
ring ring ring, ring ring ring, phone call, phone call, ring ring ring--]

Edited 2013-08-06 08:30 (UTC)

[ to him, it's only been a few hours, at the most: maybe he fell asleep and woke up here to find himself kidnapped, maybe rahzel'd gotten off the hook, left with her 'dad' like she was gonna. either way, he'd maybe been resigned that they were separated, maybe, and even then, only for a few treacherous hours-- right?

ring ring ring goes his phone, and he picks up after the third furtive 'RING!!' ]

Salon de Hi-tan, taking reservations~.

[ god, he's in for an earful. ]

[She was a couple seconds away from hanging up and throwing the phone into the ocean if he was going to be a little shit like that but the instant the call connected and his familiar, soothing voice flooded her ear she was struck speechless.

There were so many things she wanted to say. "You're a dick, do you have any idea how much I missed you," "where the hell have you been??", "Is Alzeid with you?", and "if you have a girlfriend already I'm going to rip you in half" are a few that come to mind but.

She runs and runs and runs, where she stops, hopefully not in lake Michigan, her breath huffing in his ear, all that slips out in a soft, croak of a voice choked with tears is:]

Baroqueheat..!!! Hi-tan...Hi-tan! Jackass....jerk...Baroqueheat...

[ he's about to say something about telephone sex (hi-tan...), but he's cut off by the crying, the audible tears-- it's not what he was expecting, not from someone that he presumes he hasn't seen in...6 hours? less?, but it's not what he intended, definitely not.

his voice drops an octave, even if his words stay breezy, light. ]

I told you-- one and only.

[ he's not sure which way she's coming from, so he can't move, which is annoying. ]

I'm here waving until my arms fall off, you can't miss me.

Keep telling me! [She huffs, rubbing at her eyes and peering around with blurred vision for that tall jerk with the brown hair and the Visual Kei clothing. Nothing yet as she twists and turns through the residential area,pounding steps and heart in synch]

Tell me about all the dumb things you've been doing, even all the boring things! Tell me about all the girls you've been harassing--

Well, no, don't tell me about that, I don't want to hear it, I'll vomit. Tell me how crappy replacement try-outs went, how you cried your eyes out because of the pom-poms!

[ he's confused, which is a feeling he hasn't run into in a while-- confused and worried (the facts are lining up in weird-ass places), and he lights up his cigarette with a degree of irritation, eyes wandering over the same rows of houses, over and over. ]

Not much since I saw you a few hours ago...?

[ fuck, that sounds so lame, this is so annoying ]

I'm flattered that you'd think I could round up that many girls in such a short amount of time, though!

[The answer she gets isn't just one she doesn't expect, it's one that makes something heavy and lingering drop into her stomach, so heavy Rahzel almost stops in her tracks when she turns into his street--]

A few hours ago? Oh my god, don't tell me...you guys ate nothing but friend chicken and now you have scurvy, and some girl hit you in the head! Finally! I told you guys you need veggies too! What is it with stubborn boys--

[Squinting, her princess eagle eyes spot a familiar shape down the street and she takes off at a run, lungs stuttering] I see you! I see you!

Scurvy? Is that the one where bits of you start falling o--

[ because that's what he'd be concerned with, obviously.

but the fleeting concern about his dick falling off ebbs when he hears the footsteps pattering on concrete, and he keeps his phone to his ear as he trots, slick and smooth and breezy except for the awareness that stings sharp behind his apparent laziness. ]

--I'm a sight for sore eyes, right?

[ and he flips his phone shut, tucks it into his pocket and stands there with his arms open like a gross piece of shit, waiting for a hug (he can dream? maybe?) ]

[She'll force feed him lemons and stuff later, of course, and ponder upon his fate if bits have started falling off...how will he get work in this town with a hole in his face?
It's like she's finally caught up to those stupid long chicken legs of his, the victory of playing catch and mapquest combined and thrumming, her heart leaps, she leaps, reels her fist back--

and rewards her knight in shining condoms with a hearty uppercut that ripples through her very bones, even the funny one]

Edited 2013-08-07 00:40 (UTC)

[ HEAVEN OR HELL, LET'S ROCK

a little part of him is pretty sure that he deserved that, even if he has no idea how long rahzel's been here for, what's been going on. let's be real, he always deserves it.

he gives her the punch, flies backwards and rolls on the ground like a rolled-up wad of tissue paper-- ]

[ and, with his face in the grass and his ass in the air: ]

I love you too, Rahzel. ♥

[ fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck off, baroqueheat ]

[Her chest feels a tad lighter after. It must be the whole rolling to a stop with his ass in the air and grass in his mouth part. The satisfying throb in her fist. The tic in her jaw.

But after all that running and chaos Rahzel's a little run down...thus this is the perfect time to use the newly patented Hi-tan chair and plop down onto his ass! She sniffles]

Welcome home, jerkwad. I'm glad your present was right on time cause there are absolutely no refunds! Even though it's out of the box and not in your size.

[ he can't see anything from his shitty vantage point, but he doesn't try to move yet, because it's also vaguely convenient for him, his face in the dirt and also hidden, cigarette forgotten somewhere on baking asphalt (he's not taking responsibility for potential fires).

he's not going to ask questions that he knows the answers to ("were you lonely?"), and he won't ask the questions that he wants to ("weren't you gonna leave?"), because he's a selfish jerk and he'd rather keep this moment going like any other moment. ]

Not even in my size? Come on, I know your measurements, couldn't you have at least learned mine by now?

[ he grins into the ground, hello there mr. ant... ]

But, yeah. Honey, I'm home!

[That's a good thing too, because seeing his dumb face will just set her off again. Besides, her face is a little gross right now. Is it her angry face or her crying face? He'll have to find out after she's done tugging painfully at his hair at that last bout of sass.]

I know your measurements for a coffin~ That's more than enough. But I'm sure it'll give you a real shiver to know that the landlord scumface already has yours memorized.

[Now was the tricky part...it didn't seem like he had scurvy. And obviously he'd been thrown into things or hit in the head too many times to determine if there's any new brain scrambling. The hell did he mean, a few hours?]

Edited 2013-08-07 03:12 (UTC)

[ there's a little wiggle under her butt, indicating that he'd maybe like to flip over now. dirt facials are good for the skin, maybe, but now that he's settled his expression on "doofus grin #124982752", he's ready to face the sun. ]

Well, if he did get a free look, I hope I made him jealous.

[ even if that's gross!! he'd sigh exaggeratedly, but he'd be inhaling grass. ]

--What's up with this Landlord guy, anyway?

I wouldn't know, no one's ever seen him. But I kind of doubt it. You're not exactly hour-glass shaped....more like that aforementioned coffin shaped.

[Huffs!! But relents and lets his ass up after a couple more seconds in the dirt. To feel one with his ancestors and stuff! She stands there, arms crossed over her chest and trying not to make her grumpy face cooperate with the joy filled lift of her mouth. It isn't working, exactly.]

As far as I know he's this gross creepy hermit who not only has the power to kidnap people and apparently countries that are people from across time and space but he can also take powers and weapons away. [Side note]

Oh yeah! We're trapped here, haha~!

[ he flips over, sits with his legs sprawled. just in case, he pats his lap once, twice, to indicate that she can sit there if she wants (keep dreamin', hi-tan), reaching inside for one of his cigs that he pops into his mouth without lighting. ]

Kind of like a paid vacation that we didn't ask for, where our benefactor's a disembodied voice and the resort is really shitty?

[ he's taking this surprisingly well, all things considered. ]

Man, of all the expeditions we've been on, this one might be the worst.

Sounds about right. There isn't even someone waiting on you hand and foot to bring you cute little drinks with umbrellas in them. Completely lame!

[Gives him the flattest look imaginable, absolutely not are you out of your scurvy infected mind and instead plops herself down next to him, bumping her knobby knee into his. He's really here, huh.]

There are a few things that aren't so bad. But mostly, yeah, it mondo sucks. Hey, I haven't been chased by a mob of townspeople hellbent on killing me yet, though! Small miracles~ [Should she knock on woo- no don't go there]

[ it's really only been a few hours for baroqueheat, and there are a lot of things that should be addressed-- namely, where the fuck is alzeid (seriously man don't do this!!!), but. first things first.

rahzel sits next to him, but he reaches over and picks her up in his ~manly~ arms, propping her up on his lap with her back to his chest. it'd be easy enough for her to: a) stand up and roundhouse him in the face, or b) knock her head back and break his windpipe, either or. with that in mind, he drapes over her like a big nicotine-smelling blanket, resting his chin against her hair, arms loosely wrapped around her middle. ]

Pretty sure the angry mobs were waiting for your manager to get here. They have to run that kind of thing by me first, you know?

[ as if he's that important!! he laughs, though, trying to gauge her reaction out of the corner of his eye. ]

My answer's always gonna be "go to hell", though. ♥

Edited 2013-08-08 00:51 (UTC)

[ and, after a pause-- his voice drops, becomes gentler, more sympathetic. it's a semi-sort-of-apology, one he knows she doesn't necessarily want or need (he likes to think that he knows what her priorities are). ]

You hungry?

[ he squeezes her middle slightly, to punctuate. ]

It's all on me.

Kyaaaaa~

[Okay so you can't blame her for yelping a little once she's transferred to Lap a la Hi-tan. It's been awhile since she's been privy to his spontaneous moves ~~like Jagger~~! She settles comfortably enough, doesn't even jam an elbow into his nose (small miracles indeed) and when he drapes over her all warm and familiar, if she's shaking, it's just because she's being reminded how nasty cigarette smoke is on her delicate lungs! It's nice, being this close again. She can at least admit that and revel in it.

Rahzel can hardly believe it. He's really here. She knew they'd come for her eventually, the slow asses, and it could have been worse, could have been a year, but it had gotten hard sometimes, till all she could do to not drown was throw herself into the next thing again and again and- So, steeling her voice, she retorts--]

I don't remember signing over any papers regarding you and my vast fortune and talent, I'm afraid. Maybe you really did hit your head! Uwaaah, the ventilation you must have~

Edited 2013-08-08 01:24 (UTC)

BAROQUEHEAT DELOTREASE FUCKING JOHN DOE! IM

2/idk??????

done .....probs

SORRY NOT SORRY

CRIES A LITTLE...CRIES SO MUCH

WIPES YOUR TEARS WITH MY RHINO DICK????

I'M GOING TO RIP YOU IN HALF!!!! THAT IS NOT A TISSUE

IT'S ALL I HAVE ON ME

WHAT ABOUT HAIR!! OR YOUR SHIRT!!

I'M ACTUALLY A GIANT RHINO DICK THE JOKE IS ON YOU...

HOW ARE YOU SPEAKING? WHY CAN THE VEINS TYPE!? this is gross, look what you did to our friendship

I'VE TORN THIS FAMILY APART

YOU HAVE, HOW DARE YOU

1/2 OH I DARE

no subject

no subject

no subject

oh I forgot to -- I'LL DARE YOUR DERRIERE

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2 i'm sorry about the textwall, sobs

no subject

1/2 too i guess NEVER BE bc I'm probs gonna wall-text you too